May 2013
1 post
Lifestyle Guide to Being Perfect at Life and Style
Hi. My name is Tegan Higginbotham and I’m your Lifestyle Adviser.
In the lead up to the release of my highly anticipated book ‘Lifestyle Guide to Being Perfect at Life and Style”, I’ve put together a little sneak peak package for my fans (I love you all so much, you mean so much to me! xx)
In my tome, I cover 5 key life topics:
FIND
EAT
CARE
EXERT
SPIRIT
With my useful, simple and...
April 2013
1 post
The Reunion
Last week the lovely people from Fanfiction asked me to be a part of their Harry Potter themed opening show and I was thrilled!
Nice people+Harry Potter jokes = Tegan Happy times.
Initially I attempted to write a piece all about Cho Chang and her life after Hogwarts, but this ended up happening instead. It’s called “The Reunion” and after having the pleasure of reading it out...
March 2013
2 posts
So motherhood ISN'T like the Huggies ads?
It’s 7.15am. Nami Clarke is in her kitchen covered in a mixture of vomit, apple puree and non-toxic paint. No, she hasn’t been on some obscure all-night hyper-coloured fruit bender. This is just another run-of-the-mill morning for Nami, who three years ago made the terrifying decision to become a mum. Yep, she made people. Small ones. Ones that not only need help feeding, bathing and clothing...
12 tags
24 and balding - ComFest '13
Last week I had to visit the doctors. Not only had my body decided to ignore the 30 degree weather Melbourne’s been experiencing of late and catch a cold, but there was another small issue I needed my doctor to shed a little light on. Because if an endless stream of mucus falling out of my face wasn’t enough to make me feel sexy, on top of that my hair was falling out. Yep, my hair. Falling...
December 2012
3 posts
5 tags
My 2013 Predictions
These are my predictions for 2013. And just so you know, I’m famous for being EXCEPTIONALLY accurate about this sort of stuff.
1) Carrie gets pregnant with Brody’s baby.
I’ll admit, I’ve only seen a few episodes of “Homeland”. But during all of Claire Danes and Damian Lewis’ frenzied shag scenes, I doubt either of them were thinking about condoms. So I predict that Carrie gets pregnant with...
6 tags
Tradition
My family has never been a big one for tradition. We eat red meat on Good Friday, accidentally forget birthdays and last year I bought Mum a Star of David pendant for Christmas. It’s how we roll.
In fact, when it comes to The Higginbotham’s there’s only been one tradition that we’ve stuck by year in and year out; and that’s “Christmas Tree Day”. Each year on the 1st of December come...
November 2012
1 post
7 tags
The Second Time Around
As many of you will know, last year I had my first boxing match. I learnt lessons, made friends and despite losing my fight, came away feeling like I’d had an amazing time. Yet as the days and weeks had passed by, and I told of my experience during The Melbourne Comedy Festival and The Melbourne Fringe, I had the nagging feeling that for me, the story wasn’t finished. Perhaps I’d watched too much...
September 2012
2 posts
The Royal Nipple™ Recipe
Ingredients:
1 Punnet of Strawberries
1 Packet of Butterscotch Biscuits (Chocolate biscuits also acceptable)
200g Dairy Milk Chocolate (150g for Nipples, 50g for snacking on whilst cooking)
100’s & 1000’s optional
Begin by melting your chocolate in a bowl over a pan of simmering water. Try and avoid any steam touching the chocolate as it melts or it makes it all lumpy and...
Sick (AKA "Royal Nipple")
The last time I was in hospital I struggled to make a good impression. According to reports, whilst in a morphine-induced state I spent much of the night singing “I love Aeroplane Jelly” to myself before declaring that “This room smells like Old”. I woke up in the morning groggy, confused and as it turns out…in the geriatrics ward.
But when it comes to illnesses and injuries, I’m the sort of...
August 2012
3 posts
halsm asked: Your blog is good in the face.x
Susie must now decide whether she wants to sink or...
Every now and then I get up on stage, tell a bunch of jokes and afterwards have to fight every urge in my little body that’s telling me to run under the nearest tram when all of those jokes have died on their arse. Every now and then.
Having had a small taste of what it’s like to fail in front of people, I was gobsmacked when during this year’s Olympics I just happened to see...
Adelaide
Allow me to set the scene: The sky is slowly turning from grey to black on a cold winters evening in Adelaide as I prepare for my fourth and final night of comedy. Deciding against having m&m’s for dinner, as I had done for the previous 3 nights, I wandered down Rundle Street looking for food. Now for some stupid reason, most restaurants in Adelaide are shut from 3-6pm and because I’d skipped...
July 2012
3 posts
Commitment Issues
Ok. I think I’m just going to come right out and say it; I have commitment issues. But wait! Before you go telling all your single, hot male friends to avoid me, I should mention that my commitment issues don’t relate to relationships. They relate to everything else.
To start with, there’s work.
So keen was I to enter the workforce that I ended up getting my first job when I was only 12 years and...
The Footy
Last Friday night, as I sat freezing with my Dad in the upper stands of the MCG watching my beloved Blues have their arses kicked by Hawthorn, I overheard a fellow Carlton supporter ask himself, “What the fuck am I doing here?”.
In a small way, I could understand his point.
Surely I would’ve been having just as much fun watching Yarran kick straight to an opponent were I in a nice cozy pub...
June 2012
2 posts
How Many Mechanics Does It Take To Change a...
This week was my week for getting things done. And by that I mean that I’m unemployed, so to keep myself from eating off my own foot in a fit of boredom, I’ve been doing menial, time consuming odd-jobs around the house; aka: working on my to-do list.
To be honest, so far the experience has been quite rewarding. I cleared out a load of old clothes that made me look like a sexually repressed office...
Tweet Seat: Tegan Higginbotham - Features - Comedy... →
Here’s a short little thing about me that was featured in TimeOut Melbourne. It made me exceptionally happy as it fits in perfectly with my 10-year goal plan that I had to write in Year 12.
Goal 1: Open Twitter account
Goal 2: Have someone write about what you write about in said Twitter account
Goal 3: World Domination
May 2012
3 posts
My Opinion of Kylie Minogue and her Butt
Right off the bat, I think Kylie Minogue’s butt is fantastic. Couldn’t be better. National treasure. Would I turn gay for it? Already have. It’s amazing!
And I guarantee, I’m not alone in my thinking. Just today in the Herald Sun, both Fiona Byrne and Susie O’Brien felt the need to express their views on Kylie and her fabulous behind in their respective columns. But...
Susan- The Paranormal Sibling
Last night, I sat down with Mum and my little sister Susan to watch the all-time family classic Paranormal Activity and I think it’s a really fun little movie that everyone should see. Oh wait a second…NO I DON’T!! Holy shitballs, that movie is terrifying! Since watching it, I haven’t slept a wink and I’ve had to request that every member of my family text me if they plan on loudly closing a...
The Wilderness
It’s happened. I’ve moved back in with the parents. The parents who live… in Kalorama.
From the city to the country, civilization to hick-town, instead of waking up and heading to Brunswick Street for my morning coffee, I now live in a place where one of the major highlights in the area is a rather large stump, affectionately referred to as “The Towns Big Stump”.
When it rains the roads...
March 2012
1 post
February 2012
3 posts
Opinions
Since starting this Blog, all of one full post ago, the respect I have for fellow hard-hitting journalist/writer types like myself has grown immeasurably.
I’ve realized how difficult & perilous it can be to put your opinions out there into the massively scary, nothing-ever-vanishes, world wide web. I can imagine that one day I’ll just happen to mention how much I hate carrots, with their...
Matthew Newton Sketchy Sketch
This was a quick sketch I’d written to be performed at The Shelf, a comedy room run by Justin Hamilton and Adam Richard at The Toff in Town. Unfortunately, it didn’t get to be performed (the night was thoroughly awesome & jam-packed enough already). However I think it’s not too bad off the page so I thought I might post it here instead.
It was written to be used as part of...
